I have gone insane,
And I'm the one to blame
There's no one left but me,
And I'm not here

I want to be the biggest star in the world, too.
People get my jokes, not all of them of course. Not all jokes and not all the people, that is. Lots of them just don't get most irony and never will, it takes a sort of subtleness that they just don't have and don't really see why they should.
But heck, I'm not irony-o-matic. Far from that. I make people laugh at random situations, get some witty comments out every now and them, but I get frustrated a lot too. It seems sometimes people find you fun for a while and then they just think you're weird.
Sometimes I have such a strong feeling that I suck SO much that it makes me suck even more than I actually do, and that always shows.
I like drawing. But I'm not a pro. I draw every now and then, when I feel like it, and when I really HAVE to do it, in college, for some rough or something, I'm always embarassed to remember that I used to be great at it and now I suck.
I love singing and playing, and I always write my stupid little songs and poems, and I picture myself singing and playing for large audiences, and getting applauses. And I don't write this shit just for fun, no. It all has a purpose. I daydream of this stuff. Being onstage, playing my shit to people. And it's funny because people always like my shit when I play it for them, so why don't I have a band and go onstage and shut the hell up, you may ask?
Well, I don't like being with people for too long. I don't like socializing. I hate friends calling all the time. It's just like paprika. I don't like the taste of it.
I love computers. I love my computer. I love sitting here and writing this on notepad while there's a DiVX ripping program on the background, which may or may not fail, I like it when it fails and I go insane and get frustrated trying to fix it, I love it when I actually get it fixed. But I'm no pro. I don't program like a pro. I'm not a networking genious. I know a lot of photoshop, I'm getting better and better at it. But there are all these 15-year-olds that do a job insanely better than mine. And they do it just for fun. And they seem so happy with themselves, right?
I love watching movies, I get envious of every single director I admire. I wish I could be in their skin, there, telling the actors what to do, watching excellent actors do their job and amaze you. Firing the assholes and betting on the promising talents.
I wish I could direct anything.
Especially my life.
Where the fuck am I going?

I'm 20 years old, I'm pretty good looking, I'm smart, sensitive, not boring, I don't want 30 girls, I just need one that gives me attention and calls me, makes me feel loved, wanted, human.
I have so many girls, beautiful ones, smart ones, tell me how good I am and how hard it is to find people like me, because I'm so funny! And yet I'm balanced. And hey, wasn't it that every guy was afraid of relationships and girls were the ones always running after guys and the guys making excuses to avoid them?
All my girls dump me. All my girls disappear. Even the ones that I just went out with once, and that said goodbye to me excited, with smiles on their faces.
All of them dumped me one way or the other. All of them have more important things to do with their lives, and certainly don't need someone as good as me to make their days brighter.
All the assholes, the manipulators, the jerks, they have a girlfriend. Their girlfriends are pretty and think their men are the coolest ever.
I never had a girl who I was going out with and said to me she wanted to be my girlfriend. NEVER. Yes, I have dumped some girls before, but do I have to just go out with any chick that asks me? I thought that was called chauvinism.

Why?

I know, I'm whining here and no one is reading. And I'm probably a lot more whiny because I'm sleepy and because I just remembered fucking Laila, and all the fucking girls that came after, and made me feel the best man ever and then the worst.

I know you don't wanna read this.
But I wanna write it.
I don't have any better arguments.